I am so looking forward to moving out at this point. I can’t wait to be in my own place, but last night I did get hit with a wave of melancholy for many different reasons.
This apartment was the place I moved into at a time where life was completely fucked up and unsettled. Where I didn’t know what was going to be next, how I was going to manage. I spent Christmases here alone, I spent birthdays here alone. Thanksgivings. Before I had friends in the city. It’s was tought. I had a couple of roommates with dogs, who were great.
It’s the little things though, that get me. The little things that matter.
The deck I used to sit on for hours with the Italian talking about love and life.
The deck I also had amazing sex on with the Marine Helicopter Pilot. Jesus Christ.
These rooms have been filled with warmth and laughter and love. I have felt the most loved and accepted in this place, the most sheltered and saved. And while none of these things have anything to do with the place, it was still the physical location.
I hung my German flag out of this window to offset all of the Mexican and Brazilian flags during the World Cup. I painted a room a deep dark red, another one a crazy ass fuchsia and others teal-ish.
I threw my shoes against the wall of this place. I have collapsed in a heap of tears in every room in this house.
God, have I had great sex in this place (Sorry neighbors, I know I am loud!).
I have spent winters with the windows open without knowing it, I have had a man sit on the sidewalk staring at my bedroom window for hours, as I was told later.
I cooked in here (rarely), drank in here (lots), adopted a dog, made friends, hosted parties. I have stumbled in here drunk and happy, sad and confused, barefoot after a night danced away. Gotten kissed on the doorsteps and in every corner of this place.
This apartment has been a true haven for me. I know the new one is going to be the same haven, if not better. But this apartment was a save place during a time of complete worry, fear and sometimes even terror.
So last night I thought about all that and I am thankful I found this place, these wonderful landlords who are now good friends and great neighbors. Off I go to a better place soon.