Fabulously Out There

Putting the Fabulous in East Boston since 2005 -I have written about my life, my dog(s), my sex life, my my love life, my dating, my non-dating, my job searches and my soul searches since 2005. This is my space and my opinions. I use my space freely and voice my opinions freely. I call my readers possums, cause it's a cute word, not because they aren't fabulous and stunningly handsome and beautiful. :)

About Men and “in your face” January 15, 2010

Filed under: dating,sex,Uncategorized — englandia @ 11:56 am

Following on my recent advice on penis size, I want to pass on some other common knowledge. This was inspired by a private post of a fellow blogger who will remain unnamed (due to privacy of post, logically).

This is about your spunk and your orgasms, boys. So listen up.
This might be a shock to some of you but…….the vast majority of women do not like it when you explode in their face.
Now, let’s let that sink in for a few seconds.
Do. Not. Like.

I get it, you watch it on TV, or better on DVD or pay-per-view in a hotel,  but you forget something super vital: The ladies in the porn flicks get PAID to get your jizzy juice splattered in their faces while you jerk off with a tub of vaseline on your bed.
In addition, I can guarantee you that they are NOT enjoying it, but you know, money makes almost everything do-able.

Now. There is the suggestion: Buy yourself some porn and enjoy the view. If you want your girlfriend to enjoy it, I would suggest a discussion beforehand accompanied by a gift card that’s at least in the $500-$1000 range, because that’s about how much it would cost a “accommodating”  girlfriend to endure your jizz in her hair. At least.

If you don’t, bad things can happen. I recall specifically one time getting this feeling that my “person of interest” was not going to follow my instructions on that matter, so I might or might not have slapped his hand with accompanying penis to the side as he was climaxing. Needless to say he experienced true pain and pleasure that time, but I take this business serious. I love me some freaky fun stuff, so in light of what I personally enjoy, this might seem minor, but it’s not minor to me ;)

Take my advice. Aim right. Accidents don’t happen. If you can’t aim, you should jerk off.


10 Responses to “About Men and “in your face””

  1. Not So Little Woman Says:

    I LOVE YOU! This is brilliant! Hehe.

  2. Maribeth Says:

    Ah, okay. This is all good to know stuff, which I shall file away for a time I might be looking for a new boyfriend and he might need to know this stuff.

  3. marcia Says:

    Once again, BRAVO! So true. THANK YOU.

  4. NSA IW Says:

    Wow. I can say in all my years of kinkiness, this has never been an issue.

  5. AmyB Says:

    Ahahaaaa! I almost peed my pants reading this. HOLY SHIT, this is funny!! I love that you whacked that whacker away from you! HEE! I’ve never had this done to me, but if I did? He wouldn’t have a penis much longer. I had an ex who told me a story about a friend of his (who knows; could have been him?) where he was getting a blowjob from someone he barely knew and came in her EYE. She started yelling, “OW, MY EYE, MY EYE!” so he took off his sock and gave it to her to wipe her eye out. OMG, can you imagine the humiliation?! Gaaaaahhh!

    Thanks for the laugh, lady! :o)

  6. san Says:

    You’re so brave writing about this… but YOU ARE SO CORRECT. Can I print this out and pass it on to “people in need”? ;)

    • fabulouslyinboston Says:

      So much for the obligatory “BUT YOU ARE GERMAN” remark I have heard from a few men.
      I may be German, but I am going to pretend to ENJOY your jizz in my face. LOL Feel free to distribute ;)

  7. susanne Says:

    yesssssssssssssss, thank you ….you are so right.

  8. Steffi Says:

    I love it. Thats so great!
    Thank God that never happened to me!

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