Well then

I do love getting so much good advice on choosing a new skincare product. I you might want to stop reading as this is a total “I am about to have my period horomonal induced mess analysis of my shopping indiocracy”.

Last night I was trying to analyze my consumerism habits.

I like stuff. Thankfully, I also am very aware and analyze if I really need stuff before I buy it. But by God, there are days where I WANT. Just WANT. There is really no other way of putting it. These days appear to coincide with my period.

So yesterday was one of those days. It started with feeling bloated and gross, because it’s that time of the month and YES, my breasts are the size of water melons again, BOO BOO BOO. The new pill my doc gave me, is not taking care of that side effect (it worked fine last month, but so far 1 out of 3 months it worked….fail, I will give it two more and then switch again hehe).

So, when I feel all disgusting, fat and bloated, RETAIL therapy seems good. At that point I had already researched a million skincare options and realized that, while I really really WANT to spend $90 on a cream for my face, I really really really cannot afford that at all. Strike One (add in to bloatedness and such, now I suddenly feel inadequate because I can’t afford $100 for skincare cream….you can see where this is going, the world is against me).

So I run to the Prudential to meet a friend. I decide that I need to go to my optometrist’s office to have my glasses readjusted. Now, I get there and they have summer hours. Closed on Mondays. are you fucking kidding me? STRIKE TWO. Yes, these strikes make no sense, but when your day starts hormonally instable and bloated, it doesn’t take much to feel like the world is against you.

So, then my consumer moments started. Suffice to say, I didn’t do any awful damage, but you know, when you go into a store and there are just THINGS you want.

Then I went shopping with my friend and introduced her to my favorite lingerie store. And she dropped like $400 there in one hour. Strike Three. Obviously, 25 out of 30 days a month, this wouldn’t even phase me as I went with the same girlfriend 2 weeks ago to buy her $1,000 of new clothes due to awesome weight loss and i didn’t get this bummed out reaction. Good thing Englishman likes this lingerie store and me in lingerie. ;) I digress…..and I realized last night that, no joke, I never really buy anything without feeling a bit of guilt.

I assume that is directly connected to paying off credit card debt….that’s my only explanation. I am doing really good with that as previously discussed, but I think that’s why I always feel “bad” when I buy something. And I buy what I buy directly with cash or debit, no credit cards.
I mean, I even feel like that when I shop for groceries, buy something at CVS, whatever it is. And last night I realized that. So that’s no good either. What the fuck. I am trying to tell myself that I am doing everything right. I have a budget and assuming the dogs are not at the vet 3x a month, it’s ok to spend some money on anything I want. And yes, I am now starting to replenish my travel savings account for my upcoming trip to Germany (whenever that will be).

So why all this guilt.

Annoying. Sometimes I need to remind myself that comparing myself to others doesn’t help much. Fact is, a lot of my friends have dual income families. So it’s a very different budgeting situation. I always forget that. I look at my friends and I am like “DAMN, how can she do all that” and then I realize that combined they probably easily make upward of 140K per year…uhm, yeah. And I have a few friends who’s parents bought their condo for them, so they don’t have a mortgage, voila…..more disposable income x3.

And then I try to remember that I have accomplished a lot with a lot less and with no help. And that I am proud of. The same way I am excited for others who do well except when these little moments of consumerism envy sneak in. When I want to be better, earn more money, be more, do more – all thanks to hormones running wild.

It’s all a bit confusing these days. Work is nuts, I have so many responsibilities and nothing seems clear anymore with the big boss leaving. I am worried and excited about the next 6-9 months work -related. What I am not worried about his my relationship and my friends and really, my job, because while work might be crazy, my job is save.

So right now (and I know I will cringe at this post in 2-3 days when the hormonal watermelon boobage has vanished) I am just looking forward to weekend after next and the surprise trip :)